Quitcher bitchin and keep yer pants on

OK, more than one person has complained (or more accurately, "observed") that I have not posted in a while. While most would consider my closed trap a blessing, others are into pain it would seem. Or, simply have too much time on their hands. So let's talk about NAZI CANNIBALS!!!!

Ha ha, fooled ya. Today its DUNE.

My man D and his girl Friday, I mean, his girl E, graciously hauled my good-for-nothing ass out to Target the other day, ostensibly to buy some socks, but while there I took advantage of the last remaining copy of the new DUNE disc. One cannot return home with only socks in one's bag lest one become bored with one's ensuing evening.

Thankfully I was in a most gracious mood and feeling very excited to see the "Long Version" of Dune that I had not viewed in more than a decade (and on TV to boot). And I must say it now: pity on those who have only seen the long version, because it SUCKS DOG BALLS. The whole thing seems to have been edited by a blind man without the use of his arms and using only a roll of masking tape to join the scenes. Other than "make a quick buck," I fail to see why this was released in the state its in. FX in the added shots are unfinished, causing characters' eyes to change color back and forth. There is a painful prologue using hideous "paintings" and dreary voiceover to get the viewer up to speed. The paintings seem rendered by High School students who must think "science fiction is BAD ASS." Just really unimaginative stuff, pictures of robots and laser guns and stupid buildings with obvious signs proclaiming stuff like THE SPACING GUILD. The movie is burdened with repetitive dialogue, pummelling the viewer with exposition, and strangely bereft of many a cool FX shot from the regular release. Also missing is any material deemed offensive by network standards, such as when the Duke spits on Paul's mother, or when Paul hallucinates his burning hand, or his sister's premature delivery, or when the Duke pulls the servant's heart plug out. Why this footage could not be re-inserted is a mystery. I mean, we are a PAYING AUDIENCE now, not some TV freeloaders! If anything, this version is WORSE than I recall it being. Music cues are misplaced, denying some of the cooler scenes in the film the intended impact. Most notable is Sting's first appearance, but the music doesn't come in until he's well into the scene, and seems extraneous at that point. A great deal of the new scenes were very obviously cut for pacing concerns or simple Unforgivable Badness. And yet, here we are.

I feel this long version's greatest strength is reminding the viewer that Lynch knew what he was doing after all. Dune is Lynch's most coherent film, despite what critics would have you believe. Most 'critics' are fans of the book who attack the film for what it failed to present from the novels, not for HOW the film portrayed the events that made it onscreen. (You'll find that book fans prefer the TV version because it has more information, while film fans prefer the theatrical version because it is a Lynch film.) In any case, after watching this abortion of a film, I spun the theatrical cut, and was simply knocked over by its supereriority in every regard. In an ideal world, there would exist a version that is dominated by Lynch's vision, but peppered by the good bits from the cutting room floor that actually work. Like Thufir Hawat's death! Who knew he died??? That seems important to me. Plus I just get a kick out of seeing Sting milk a cat. They just don't milk enough cats in films these days.