It was like a banquet of filth
I saw a boatload of fine films over the weekend. Dunno if I can cover them all but maybe I can at least remember the names. Lessee here:
1. THE DEVILS (Ken Russell)
2. THE BATTLE OF RUSSIA (Frank Capra)
3. RAGING SHARKS! (some Nu Video bollocks)
4. WHITE SLAVE
5. THE NIGHT PORTER
6. THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
THE DEVILS was the "uncut" version. Since I've already seen it I don't know how interested I am in discussing it. Let's just preserve the comment my man Paul made: "The part where Jesus gives the nuns mustache rides? That was new."
RAGING SHARKS is about as inane as the title implies. 50 bucks says the original script had a title too sophisticated for the target audience, probably something like DEEP TERROR or SQUALUS INFERNUS! But then the producers were like "No, we need to make it clear what they are getting .... RAGING SHARKS!!!" Its basically a total ripoff of THE ABYSS but for some reason wants you to think it is a total ripoff of DEEP BLUE SEA. Personally I'd have gone with the former since its a better movie, but they likely went with the latter since it was more violent, and more recent. And yes I do believe that this is the level of thinking that went into this thing. The trailer and jacket art insist this is a movie about RAGING SHARKS that beseige an underwater research station. What is *never* indicated in publicity is that before the opening credits crawl, giant spaceships and aliens tinkering with "science" suffer some sort of accident, and the "science" falls to earth. WTF?!? I thought this was a shark movie. But it starts out like STAR WARS. Then a storm comes (Abyss) and the station is cut off from the surface. Then some RAGING SHARKS come and cut all the air hoses and stuff. Then a scientist guy says things like "Inriguing!" and later "Fascinating!" Then also he says stuff like "I don't believe it!" and also "This isn't possible, I've never seen anything like it!" The crew fall all over themselves finding excuses to venture outside and get consumed by the RAGING SHARKS. A spooky accountant who had arrived earlier turns out to be a "Black Ops Agent" and serves as the villain (like Michael Beihn in the Abyss). To spice things up, a lot of stock footage attacks some unpaid extras on a beach. Eventually we find out the RAGING SHARKS are "protecting" a cold fusion fuel source that resides in the alien's "science thing." How and why are never addressed. At a certain point near the end, events begin to unravel that suggest the production has run out of funding. Key shots seem to be missing and explanations for certain results are never explained. For instance our hero, trapped in an underwater alcove by a RAGING SHARK, asks a submarine to fire a torpedo at the shark, even though it means his death. He survives without a scratch, and just shows back up on the underwater base. Finally at the end the aliens arrive and as lovely classical music plays, our hero and his wife (you know --- like in the Abyss!) await their eminent demise by romantically seeing that life exists outside our solar system and whatever. Everything explodes. For whatever reasons our hero survives AGAIN and swims away from the explosion in full scuba gear DRAGGING HIS DROWNED WIFE behind him (cough --- Abyss --- cough). Then the evil accountant floats up! I shit not! They must be on the ocean floor but there he is like he's swimming in the deep end of his pool. He looks a bit menacing, but then a RAGING SHARK comes out of nowhere and eats him (even though the RAGING SHARKS are off the hook for guard duty at this point). Cut to the freakin' SUBMARINE, UNDERWATER, and some swabbie goes "I didn't think sharks knew how to knock," and they OPEN THE HATCH and let Hero guy in ---- WITH HIS DEAD WIFE'S BODY, which he quickly resuscitates (sound familiar?)! I have no idea how fast you have to be to catch up with a submarine but I bet its easier if you aren't dragging a dead body behind you. This is, for all intents and purposes, the end.
For everything RAGING SHARKS is, one thing it is not is boring. I'd not be irresponsible enough to call it "impressive," but it damn sure moves along at a decent pace, and is ridiculous enough to be completely entertaining. Well, if you are a complete jackass, that is. Enjoy.
On to WHITE SLAVE. Not much to say about this except that yes, it *is* a cannibal movie I have never heard of. Yay me. If you've seen one cannibal movie (and I use the term loosely, allowing for incorporations of "Jungle" movies), you are either a fan for life or well and done with the entire genre. You are also more than familiar enough with the tropes of the cycle as to not require me to explain anything to you about what to expect. Let's just say that you'll get what you paid for with this one. The lead actress manages to stay topless for 99% of her screentime, which feels a little dirty as she is supposed to be an English High School student! Its like watching a seedier version of WALKABOUT only not lensed all that well. The movie plays around with form a bit a la CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST in that some of the scenes are depicted as being "real," while others are "recreations based on real events." Kinda nifty I guess. Lots of really lurid gore abound. Piles of decapitations, but no actual cannibalism. Some animal violence, but for once it is relatively innofensive, and depicts a leopard stalking and attacking its prey (a deer and a monkey). Call me a psycho but for once I actually liked the footage as it seemed rather real and not necessarily sadistic, more like just harsh jungle reality. It is also not very graphically shown. That leopard is a real badass though! I wouldn't want to tangle with him. A very efficient killer. No suffering here, people. He takes these animals down and WHOMP, out go the lights. For a jungle film, WHITE SLAVE is definitely low-key (well, comparatively), and features an honest-to-God romantic subplot! It kinda felt like LAST OF THE MOHICANS. Only, made in 1985 for like 50 bucks.
NIGHT PORTER. Hell, what can I say? Its THE NIGHT PORTER already. Pretty good movie. Not sleazy enough or cheap enough to get too much lip service here I'm afraid. Charlotte Rampling plays "innocent but curious teen" to a freakin TEE. It suits her well. She also wears a Nazi Officer's cap better than most Nazi Officers. Its pretty much about an SS Officer having an obsessive affair with one of his old detainees before they both get knocked off by other, assumedly "more evil," SS fugitives. Shot, scored, and performed far too well to make fun of, its easy to see how this movie inspired countless Italian wannabes shortly after its appearance. Amazing how NIGHT PORTER, THE DAMNED, CALIGULA and SALON KITTY could inspire such a flourishing barrel-bottom cycle of movies each successively attempting to out-Nazi and out-sleeze their predecessors.
Thank you, NIGHT PORTER. Thank you.
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.
Let me just say one thing: after seeing it, I am Speechless.
1. THE DEVILS (Ken Russell)
2. THE BATTLE OF RUSSIA (Frank Capra)
3. RAGING SHARKS! (some Nu Video bollocks)
4. WHITE SLAVE
5. THE NIGHT PORTER
6. THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
THE DEVILS was the "uncut" version. Since I've already seen it I don't know how interested I am in discussing it. Let's just preserve the comment my man Paul made: "The part where Jesus gives the nuns mustache rides? That was new."
RAGING SHARKS is about as inane as the title implies. 50 bucks says the original script had a title too sophisticated for the target audience, probably something like DEEP TERROR or SQUALUS INFERNUS! But then the producers were like "No, we need to make it clear what they are getting .... RAGING SHARKS!!!" Its basically a total ripoff of THE ABYSS but for some reason wants you to think it is a total ripoff of DEEP BLUE SEA. Personally I'd have gone with the former since its a better movie, but they likely went with the latter since it was more violent, and more recent. And yes I do believe that this is the level of thinking that went into this thing. The trailer and jacket art insist this is a movie about RAGING SHARKS that beseige an underwater research station. What is *never* indicated in publicity is that before the opening credits crawl, giant spaceships and aliens tinkering with "science" suffer some sort of accident, and the "science" falls to earth. WTF?!? I thought this was a shark movie. But it starts out like STAR WARS. Then a storm comes (Abyss) and the station is cut off from the surface. Then some RAGING SHARKS come and cut all the air hoses and stuff. Then a scientist guy says things like "Inriguing!" and later "Fascinating!" Then also he says stuff like "I don't believe it!" and also "This isn't possible, I've never seen anything like it!" The crew fall all over themselves finding excuses to venture outside and get consumed by the RAGING SHARKS. A spooky accountant who had arrived earlier turns out to be a "Black Ops Agent" and serves as the villain (like Michael Beihn in the Abyss). To spice things up, a lot of stock footage attacks some unpaid extras on a beach. Eventually we find out the RAGING SHARKS are "protecting" a cold fusion fuel source that resides in the alien's "science thing." How and why are never addressed. At a certain point near the end, events begin to unravel that suggest the production has run out of funding. Key shots seem to be missing and explanations for certain results are never explained. For instance our hero, trapped in an underwater alcove by a RAGING SHARK, asks a submarine to fire a torpedo at the shark, even though it means his death. He survives without a scratch, and just shows back up on the underwater base. Finally at the end the aliens arrive and as lovely classical music plays, our hero and his wife (you know --- like in the Abyss!) await their eminent demise by romantically seeing that life exists outside our solar system and whatever. Everything explodes. For whatever reasons our hero survives AGAIN and swims away from the explosion in full scuba gear DRAGGING HIS DROWNED WIFE behind him (cough --- Abyss --- cough). Then the evil accountant floats up! I shit not! They must be on the ocean floor but there he is like he's swimming in the deep end of his pool. He looks a bit menacing, but then a RAGING SHARK comes out of nowhere and eats him (even though the RAGING SHARKS are off the hook for guard duty at this point). Cut to the freakin' SUBMARINE, UNDERWATER, and some swabbie goes "I didn't think sharks knew how to knock," and they OPEN THE HATCH and let Hero guy in ---- WITH HIS DEAD WIFE'S BODY, which he quickly resuscitates (sound familiar?)! I have no idea how fast you have to be to catch up with a submarine but I bet its easier if you aren't dragging a dead body behind you. This is, for all intents and purposes, the end.
For everything RAGING SHARKS is, one thing it is not is boring. I'd not be irresponsible enough to call it "impressive," but it damn sure moves along at a decent pace, and is ridiculous enough to be completely entertaining. Well, if you are a complete jackass, that is. Enjoy.
On to WHITE SLAVE. Not much to say about this except that yes, it *is* a cannibal movie I have never heard of. Yay me. If you've seen one cannibal movie (and I use the term loosely, allowing for incorporations of "Jungle" movies), you are either a fan for life or well and done with the entire genre. You are also more than familiar enough with the tropes of the cycle as to not require me to explain anything to you about what to expect. Let's just say that you'll get what you paid for with this one. The lead actress manages to stay topless for 99% of her screentime, which feels a little dirty as she is supposed to be an English High School student! Its like watching a seedier version of WALKABOUT only not lensed all that well. The movie plays around with form a bit a la CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST in that some of the scenes are depicted as being "real," while others are "recreations based on real events." Kinda nifty I guess. Lots of really lurid gore abound. Piles of decapitations, but no actual cannibalism. Some animal violence, but for once it is relatively innofensive, and depicts a leopard stalking and attacking its prey (a deer and a monkey). Call me a psycho but for once I actually liked the footage as it seemed rather real and not necessarily sadistic, more like just harsh jungle reality. It is also not very graphically shown. That leopard is a real badass though! I wouldn't want to tangle with him. A very efficient killer. No suffering here, people. He takes these animals down and WHOMP, out go the lights. For a jungle film, WHITE SLAVE is definitely low-key (well, comparatively), and features an honest-to-God romantic subplot! It kinda felt like LAST OF THE MOHICANS. Only, made in 1985 for like 50 bucks.
NIGHT PORTER. Hell, what can I say? Its THE NIGHT PORTER already. Pretty good movie. Not sleazy enough or cheap enough to get too much lip service here I'm afraid. Charlotte Rampling plays "innocent but curious teen" to a freakin TEE. It suits her well. She also wears a Nazi Officer's cap better than most Nazi Officers. Its pretty much about an SS Officer having an obsessive affair with one of his old detainees before they both get knocked off by other, assumedly "more evil," SS fugitives. Shot, scored, and performed far too well to make fun of, its easy to see how this movie inspired countless Italian wannabes shortly after its appearance. Amazing how NIGHT PORTER, THE DAMNED, CALIGULA and SALON KITTY could inspire such a flourishing barrel-bottom cycle of movies each successively attempting to out-Nazi and out-sleeze their predecessors.
Thank you, NIGHT PORTER. Thank you.
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.
Let me just say one thing: after seeing it, I am Speechless.
posted by figurebuilder at 9:04 AM
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