God forgive me Part 2
OK, last night I managed to endure the entirety of SS HELLCAMP! Upon reflection, I think a more apropos title should be SS BULLSHIT WASTE OF TIME CAMP! Yuck! Here's a sampling of witty comments from IMDB:
" just another tasteless, dull, haphazardly and carelessly slapped together Euro-sleazefest "
"Seedy and boring"
"Historians will hate it, Genre fans will enjoy it."
"Totally vile"
"Snooze alert"
"So much to offer, so little delivered"
That last one sums it up nicely. At the risk of irreparably incriminating myself, I knew I had something wrong with me when I found myself growing weary of all the war and combat scenes, and wished the movie would get back to the business at hand, namely the goings-on at the HELLCAMP! Jesus, this movie made the previous night's fare (SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP) seem infinitely preferable in almost every regard. First of all, this thing is dull as a bag of hammers. Just leaden beyond belief. And its chief offense (which some will find arguable) is not its subject matter, but the PROMISE of subject matter RARELY delivered. I thought I was gonna get an SS torture flick but the damn thing is mostly concerned with Italian partisans. Dude WTF! How hard (or expensive) can it be to shoot a movie on one set, whose most expensive (and, ironically, most desirable) prop is a cheap nude actress? Give me a break. Genre fans lament the film's scarcity but they should truly learn to count their blessings for having missed this one. "Snooze alert" indeed.
In its favor, the lead actress is most assuredly easy on the eyes. She reminds me of an ex girlfriend of mine, just lovely. Which probably explains why it felt so natural to see this actress parade around in a Nazi uniform. It felt very accurate to my memory. But, she wears it well, and if the gimmick had not already been pioneered in ILSA THE SHE WOLF I'd say it was something special. Alas, not so special.
There is also some extremely mean-spirited and nasty-minded gore, mostly involving ingestion or mutilation of ... ah ... people's "areas" ... but it is all so ham-fistedly and ineptly executed that you don't ever really get much of a charge out of it. If that's your bag, that is. I'm still not sure what's in my bag, but I'll let you know once I find out. Join me, will you? Let's open it together.
Boatloads of flacid male nudity this time around. Yay. Endless combat scenes from other movies clumsily edited in. A really cheap-ass model plane drops bombs on people at the end. I'm struggling here people, help me out. Ah, to hell with it. I can't remember any more good parts. This movie sucks. Do I dare explore the uncharted territories of ELSE FRAULEIN SS? It would appear to currently be my last available option in this virulent strain of unpleasantness.
That is, until SS GIRLS comes out. (sigh)
" just another tasteless, dull, haphazardly and carelessly slapped together Euro-sleazefest "
"Seedy and boring"
"Historians will hate it, Genre fans will enjoy it."
"Totally vile"
"Snooze alert"
"So much to offer, so little delivered"
That last one sums it up nicely. At the risk of irreparably incriminating myself, I knew I had something wrong with me when I found myself growing weary of all the war and combat scenes, and wished the movie would get back to the business at hand, namely the goings-on at the HELLCAMP! Jesus, this movie made the previous night's fare (SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP) seem infinitely preferable in almost every regard. First of all, this thing is dull as a bag of hammers. Just leaden beyond belief. And its chief offense (which some will find arguable) is not its subject matter, but the PROMISE of subject matter RARELY delivered. I thought I was gonna get an SS torture flick but the damn thing is mostly concerned with Italian partisans. Dude WTF! How hard (or expensive) can it be to shoot a movie on one set, whose most expensive (and, ironically, most desirable) prop is a cheap nude actress? Give me a break. Genre fans lament the film's scarcity but they should truly learn to count their blessings for having missed this one. "Snooze alert" indeed.
In its favor, the lead actress is most assuredly easy on the eyes. She reminds me of an ex girlfriend of mine, just lovely. Which probably explains why it felt so natural to see this actress parade around in a Nazi uniform. It felt very accurate to my memory. But, she wears it well, and if the gimmick had not already been pioneered in ILSA THE SHE WOLF I'd say it was something special. Alas, not so special.
There is also some extremely mean-spirited and nasty-minded gore, mostly involving ingestion or mutilation of ... ah ... people's "areas" ... but it is all so ham-fistedly and ineptly executed that you don't ever really get much of a charge out of it. If that's your bag, that is. I'm still not sure what's in my bag, but I'll let you know once I find out. Join me, will you? Let's open it together.
Boatloads of flacid male nudity this time around. Yay. Endless combat scenes from other movies clumsily edited in. A really cheap-ass model plane drops bombs on people at the end. I'm struggling here people, help me out. Ah, to hell with it. I can't remember any more good parts. This movie sucks. Do I dare explore the uncharted territories of ELSE FRAULEIN SS? It would appear to currently be my last available option in this virulent strain of unpleasantness.
That is, until SS GIRLS comes out. (sigh)
posted by figurebuilder at 11:56 AM
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