Random events composed of minor hits and near-misses
Time to clear some of this stuff off my Brain desktop. Just a lot of silly stuff that happened.
I was at a red light on my bicycle the other day. A young Asian woman was standing there as well. I decided to turn right, but as I began to move, so did she, but she was facing a different direction and practically walked right into me. We both abruptly stopped but she was so startled that you'd think I'd stuck a gun in her ribs. Her arms were waving around like a swarm of bees was attacking, and she shrieked some foreign-tongued curse, likely about my ancestors or some such thing. I apologized, but quickly just left. I felt kinda bad. Also she was wearing this big face-shield thing, like a sun visor, only it sloped down to cover the entire face, and shaded like sunglasses. So I don't know if she was Asian or just unintelligible.
Again on the bike. Passed a bus stop where a fat, grizzled bum-looking guy was sitting. I hear as I pass, "Get a haircut!" I turned around to see him looking at me and I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, I haven't been told that since the 80s. And by a stinky old BUM no less. A thousand responses went through my head, each one making me laugh at my own genius-style of humor. I wanted to go back and just confront him, lay into him verbally with "Take a bath!" or "Get a job!" or "Buy a car!" or "Get off welfare!" or some other such thing. But you know, he had this big-ass black dog with him. With a rope tied around its neck. And I figured it could only end in tears. Either I'd get mauled by this big mutt, and then I'd call Animal Services and it would get put down; or, the damn thing would KILL me, or rip my balls off; or, we'd get into such a row that cops came; or the dog catcher would come and take the animal away for not having tags or something. Basically I was weighing the dog's life against my own amusement. I just kept riding.
I went tubing for the first time last weekend. I had a ball. And I am not an outdoorsy guy AT ALL. Nor am I too fond of water, especially water with Wild Animals in it, like sharks, or crocodiles, or those parasites that swim up your urethra and they have to chop your dick off to get them out. No thank you. But it was fun. Having gotten a weird sunburn once before at Lollapalooza 1994 (big red ears that hurt like sh*t), I liberally applied sunblock throughout the day, but I guess the water managed to wash it off in key areas. So I got the Weird Sunburn AGAIN. Tops of my thighs, where my shorts were rubbing, and the tops of my feet and ankles too. Now my feet look like the 2 new newest members of THE X-MEN. I also managed to cut my arm from elbow to wrist by falling down a small set of algae-covered steps. A friend of mine noted that I "sure am accident prone," especially since about 6 weeks ago I couldn't shut up about this bee that stung me between the eyes and made my face swell up so I looked like Marv from SIN CITY. If I do leisure activities apart from watching TV I tend to f*ck myself up. So hang-gliding is out I guess.
I was at a red light on my bicycle the other day. A young Asian woman was standing there as well. I decided to turn right, but as I began to move, so did she, but she was facing a different direction and practically walked right into me. We both abruptly stopped but she was so startled that you'd think I'd stuck a gun in her ribs. Her arms were waving around like a swarm of bees was attacking, and she shrieked some foreign-tongued curse, likely about my ancestors or some such thing. I apologized, but quickly just left. I felt kinda bad. Also she was wearing this big face-shield thing, like a sun visor, only it sloped down to cover the entire face, and shaded like sunglasses. So I don't know if she was Asian or just unintelligible.
Again on the bike. Passed a bus stop where a fat, grizzled bum-looking guy was sitting. I hear as I pass, "Get a haircut!" I turned around to see him looking at me and I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, I haven't been told that since the 80s. And by a stinky old BUM no less. A thousand responses went through my head, each one making me laugh at my own genius-style of humor. I wanted to go back and just confront him, lay into him verbally with "Take a bath!" or "Get a job!" or "Buy a car!" or "Get off welfare!" or some other such thing. But you know, he had this big-ass black dog with him. With a rope tied around its neck. And I figured it could only end in tears. Either I'd get mauled by this big mutt, and then I'd call Animal Services and it would get put down; or, the damn thing would KILL me, or rip my balls off; or, we'd get into such a row that cops came; or the dog catcher would come and take the animal away for not having tags or something. Basically I was weighing the dog's life against my own amusement. I just kept riding.
I went tubing for the first time last weekend. I had a ball. And I am not an outdoorsy guy AT ALL. Nor am I too fond of water, especially water with Wild Animals in it, like sharks, or crocodiles, or those parasites that swim up your urethra and they have to chop your dick off to get them out. No thank you. But it was fun. Having gotten a weird sunburn once before at Lollapalooza 1994 (big red ears that hurt like sh*t), I liberally applied sunblock throughout the day, but I guess the water managed to wash it off in key areas. So I got the Weird Sunburn AGAIN. Tops of my thighs, where my shorts were rubbing, and the tops of my feet and ankles too. Now my feet look like the 2 new newest members of THE X-MEN. I also managed to cut my arm from elbow to wrist by falling down a small set of algae-covered steps. A friend of mine noted that I "sure am accident prone," especially since about 6 weeks ago I couldn't shut up about this bee that stung me between the eyes and made my face swell up so I looked like Marv from SIN CITY. If I do leisure activities apart from watching TV I tend to f*ck myself up. So hang-gliding is out I guess.
posted by figurebuilder at 10:51 AM
1 Comments:
you have to be willing to get hurt in the 'wild'. all of us do, w/o fail and those who say they don't are lying. i once went on a tube ride w/rob and as we kissy faced and looked up-there in the tree was a snake hangin on by a thread. then as we go down further there is a fork. a bunch of people are motioning me to take 'this way'.naturally it was the way that led me to a lil rocky cliff that i banged my ass and back on when i hit bottom! they were all clapping and laughing:o^and then there's the rash...
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