My review of the C. Thomas Howell WAR OF THE WORLDS

As a self-described WOTW "completist" I was compelled to rent this thing by merit of the title alone. My reaction is similar to the Mr. Show episode "Coupon: The Movie," where everyone excitedly proclaims, "I got THAT over with!!!" While not utterly devoid of merit, it reeks of by-the-numbers opportunism to capitalize on the superior Spielberg version currently in theaters. Howell does a remarkable job of keeping a straight face throughout, and the plot keeps pace well with Wells' novel, but ultimately the film just begs the question of "What's the point?" Other than a handful of modern slang words ("assclowns," "ginormous"), and a severely truncated first act, it brings nothing new to the burgeoning sub-genre of "War of the Worlds adaptations." FX are of the desktop variety and might seem impressive in a fan film being used as a pitch for another, "actual" film, but here just seem cheap. (Although it should be noted that after seemingly endless lengths of "Howell walking" scenes, one starts to yearn for more FX, no matter how crude.) Peter Greene, second-billed as Howell's brother, is introduced and dispatched in the same brief scene, prompting this viewer to wonder what he got paid for his afternoon's work, and if he still has heroin problems. Busey fares slightly better, as his whopping two scenes are at least spread out over the narrative, adding the tiniest bit of resonance. (Also worth noting is Busey's hilariously foul mouth, something of a high point for me.) The female lead shows a bit of "fan appreciation" early on, but is otherwise useless, as is Howell's strangely androgynous son. Most of the action seems to occur either immediately before our heroes arrive, or just after they leave. Often it sounds as if a battle may be occurring just out of reach of the camera's lens. Pretty much the most exciting scenes are those featured on the DVD box art, but alas, neither image actually makes its way into the film itself. This WOTW might not be a total disaster, but it is rather unimpressive, and I found myself far more entertained by the trailers for other Asylum movies at the beginning of the disc. JOLLY ROGER seems to be a bloody ripoff of THE FOG, only with strippers, and ALIEN ABDUCTION, sporting one the blandest titles I've ever heard, features a very appealing lead actress with apparently no secrets to hide about how she looks without clothes on. Bravo, lass.